I Can Hear Her Crying

10/27/04

I Can Hear Her Crying
Running down the staircase into the subway station, I heard a loud crying from a little girl approximately three years old.  Somehow, my heart was aching.  "Oh, Jeeesus!" I can hear myself saying inside.

Her mother was dragging her through the subway turnstile, while the little girl was crying: "Mommy, I want candy!..."  They remind me of Lily and me.  It feels like those out-of-body experience, looking at myself from above.  I took a glance at the mother's face, emotionless, just like mine always was.  Her dragging hand was firm, just like mine always was.  I can believe she feels right doing this, since, I always felt that was the right thing to do.  Yet, at this moment, I feel guilty and pain.  Seeing myself from above, I wish I hadn't done that.  I believe I would be a bit more lenient next time.

Sure I understand the potential danger of spoiling the child when I consider sparing the rod.  But, isn't it also a question just how much 'rod' should mothers use on our children?  Yes, Lily is very stubborn.  Is that really so bad, considering how hard life is going to be for her in the future?  How much of our discipline aimed for our convenience of managing our life, instead of aiming at molding them for a better future?  Isn't there any fraction of our frustration released into discipline our children?  And don't we always find justification for our action?

How hard should I discipline my child?  I really don't know.  May God give me moments of reflection like this, so I can check my action from time to time.

I can hear her crying, my Lily's.  I can hear people passing by and saying:
"Oh, Jeeeeesus!!!" 
    

3 yr 8.5 m

Big Help

10/23/04

Big Help
For 2-3 weeks now, oftentimes Lily would help me clean up the table after dinner. :-)  It was all voluntary, I've never asked her to help.

About two weeks ago, one evening after dinner, I collected some dishes and started to wash.  Lily finished juice and gave her cup to me.  I thanked her with a pleasant voice.  The next thing I knew was her bringing all the dishes to me one after another.  After she fished all dishes, she started to bring me leftover food.  I was afraid that she was going to spill something all over her.  There was one bowl with some soup in it, so I greeted her half way before she fed it to her shirt.  Finally, she went away with a great smile of satisfaction.  Maybe she liked my sweet appraisals, or maybe she is happy that she made me happy, or maybe she felt a great accomplishment doing all that by herself.  I know not.  She often does that ever since.

 

* * * 

Last night, when I stood up after eating, she said:" You go there."  I didn't pay attention to what she was saying, went to the sink and put down the dishes. Then I turned around...

"No!!!" she screamed, "Don't come here!"
I stopped, didn't know what was going on. "What's the matter?"
"You stay there... I bring it to you."

I could do nothing but obey her. Remember I always said I am going to teach cooking when she is five just like my mother did? Seems it is going to start sooner. Haha... 
 
 
  

3 yr 8.5 m